p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
