Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize