Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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