The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
