I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
