I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
