your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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