kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
