glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
