he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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