so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
