They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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