you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
