I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize