Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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