I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
