Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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