I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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