we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
