The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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