wanna go halves on a baby?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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