I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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