I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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