still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
