I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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