are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
