i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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