My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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