you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
