Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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