better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
