Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
