Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
