Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
