shes about as inviting as chlamydia
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
