I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
