Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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