it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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