You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
