All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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