She is in my trunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
