I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
