dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
