And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I died a long time ago.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
