WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
