I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
