i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
