Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
