Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I touched a dick in church today
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
