I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
