I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
