I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
