Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
