just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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