I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found puke in my bra..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
