i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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