you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
