i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
