I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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