have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
