I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize